January 10th, 2009 (04:42 am)
current location: My den
current mood: exhausted
current song: Frank Zappa -- "Make A Jazz Noise Here"
Jam a bunch of people together in a tight space like a bus or the subway and something crazy is bound to happen. What's the most memorable thing you've seen on mass transit?
Well, it is memorable
Just as a Red Sox game ended I knew it would be like being in one of the lower rungs of hell to squeeze myself onto the first available underground streetcar that I could manage to barely fit into and still breathe, absolutely certain to be full of angry people mashed as tightly together as if they had been put in a trash compacter, each one detesting the existence of each and everyone else. (No, I wasn't at THE GAME
but I had to be home for 'family obligations'.)
One car came along that looked so bizarre that it defied explanation and I didn't believe what I was seeing: roughly the front third, likely less, of the streetcar was full of tightly compressed people while nearly two thirds of the back were empty. I didn't question it when the doors gusted open and I had my choice of any seat in the back two thirds of that car. I had no explanation for this craziness until my nose and eyes began to water and my breathing began to become involuntarily minimal.That was when I received my explanation, goddamnit!!!
Somehow, one person
had puked so copiously that it looked as if ten or more cows had hurled their guts all over the back two thirds of the streetcar and it was deep enough that the bottoms of my sneakers were submerged in it but I even managed to have the blind luck of choosing one of the very few seats that somehow escaped the gush of the "
"! There really is no describing this horror scene and how obvious it was from the consistency of the sputum that it originated from one fucking unlucky (More likely in truth, very lucky!) sonofabitch who let loose with this gusher. It didn't look humanly possible that a single individual was the container of what soaked about two thirds of a streetcar, but I rushed to the front with the other sardines if only to breathe again.
Absolutely nobody wanted me near them, needless to say even though it was only the soles of my sneakers and very bottoms of my jeans that had any remnants of the flood on them -- there was likely some odor from that but I have more reason to believe the pungently sour stench wasn't made any worse by the little that was on me and so close to the floor -- that was something I made absolutely damn sure of the second I bolted up from that seat!
I actually believed for a few short minutes that I was unexplainably fortunate for some freakishly strange reason. Holy bloody shit, no! Did I feel like the stupidest fucking brainless fool on earth for a while? Ohhhh, yeah! (Cringe!!!)
To this day I've wanted to see whoever it was that had the sheer physical capacity first to retain what I saw on that streetcar. What size was he??? (She?) Ack!